Up and Down, mostly Down

Another blog post which means another time for me to reflect on my feelings and thoughts knowing no one is reading this or at the very least maybe one person. Truth is things are not going well.

Physically I am fine but, as is the case with most people in the world nowadays, mentally and emotionally I'm not. I'm far from it. I thought getting a therapy service would help and it is but its also one of those app things which is all I can afford. Could use a real person to talk to that is professionally trained to help.

Its mostly professional/work related I messed up pretty bad at work and since the mess up I have been on edge and just stressing out about everything wondering how much trouble I'm in or if I'm in any trouble.

This isn't the first time this has happened (in this job yes) and it got me wondering more about why it keeps happening aside from my own personal mental instability and the reason is because of the field. I've been in my current field for about 5 years now but the problem is I'm just not into it. I went into the field because I knew some knowledge about it and it was good money but I knew its not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. "ill just be miserable for a bit but it will pay off in the end" type mentality is not healthy let me tell you and now the "for a bit" part is reaching its course. I think I'm on the cusp of career shifting again (this would be the 3rd time) and I honestly don't know what is going to happen next and its kinda terrifying.

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