Eloquent Silence

You know its funny, 2017 was probably one of the best years ever and going into 2018 I thought that would still be the case, turns out i was wrong, but not in a bad way.. I enjoyed 2018 immensely, i had lots of interesting things happen professionally and a lot of self-reflection personally but it didn't top 2017. To be honest I've been feeling kind of lost, my life since probably about 2014 has been centered around tabletop gaming. Its because of it I have lots of friends and made new ones. I'm still passionate about running my games regardless of the negativity that has occurred along the way. I've always kinda defined myself by my ability to run a game and so when my players didn't enjoy as much as I would have liked it didn't just make me upset it really hurt me. Similarly, when my players had a great time I would be on cloud 9 for the longest time and I would be very happy about it and everything I did in life seemed more fulfilling would. Neither...

Another blog post which means another time for me to reflect on my feelings and thoughts knowing no one is reading this or at the very least maybe one person. Truth is things are not going well. Physically I am fine but, as is the case with most people in the world nowadays, mentally and emotionally I'm not. I'm far from it. I thought getting a therapy service would help and it is but its also one of those app things which is all I can afford. Could use a real person to talk to that is professionally trained to help. Its mostly professional/work related I messed up pretty bad at work and since the mess up I have been on edge and just stressing out about everything wondering how much trouble I'm in or if I'm in any trouble. This isn't the first time this has happened (in this job yes) and it got me wondering more about why it keeps happening aside from my own personal mental instability and the reason is because of the field. I've been in my current field f...

Its strange really, back in February I wrote a post about how I'm back after a long time and then gave a quick update on the last three years of my life. One of things in particular was: "...I've fully delved back into the world of tabletop role-playing games so going forward (if i choose to actually keep this updated) that will be a huge topic I will be discussing. I've been effectively running a wonderful Dnd 5e game for about a year and a half now as well as running another DnD 5e game, running a Star Wars FFG game, AND being a player in a DnD 5e. Suffice to say I'm all in and I thought it would be a harrowing experience but I've actually been balancing pretty well, though I do admit I tend to be consistently tired." Well, here I am 4 months later and everything seems to have dropped. I'm still a player in a DnD 5e game though its a new campaign now and my second character in second campaign, the Star Wars FFG game has been on hiatus since about...

Hello all, its been a while, almost three years actually how time flies. I was going through some of the older posts I made and I'm really glad I tended to come off as optimistic because in truth I wasn't very optimistic. However, talking about optimism makes it easier for me to BE optimistic. I don't know if that is healthy or not but regardless its rather irrelevant considering where I am now. So three years. What has happened? Well I've fully delved back into the world of tabletop role-playing games so going forward (if i choose to actually keep this updated) that will be a huge topic I will be discussing. I've been effectively running a wonderful Dnd 5e game for about a year and a half now as well as running another DnD 5e game, running a Star Wars FFG game, AND being a player in a DnD 5e. Suffice to say I'm all in and I thought it would be a harrowing experience but I've actually been balancing pretty well, though I do admit I tend to be consistentl...